life is not a bed of roses
by tudelu
Summary: sometimes you just don t know how bad life can be. sorry for my english, rated T for violence in later chapters, please R
1. Chapter 1

**1. chapter**

In the past three years there were many of her patients dieing because of cancer or other diseases. She could handle this, there was never a problem, contrariwise she had problems to feel for the patients when she started at sacred heart hospital. Her mentor Dr. Dorian taught her many lessons in being there for a patient emotionally. And now she can do it, now she teaches the med students herself. But anyway she could handle the death of her patients without a problem. The people who have problems with handling it are the families of the dieing patients. But there was never someone like Mr. Johnson, whose wife had bowel cancer. Denise knew he was different from other husbands, but she didn´t know how different he was. She just knew he couldn´t handle the death of his wife and he wouldn´t except it. Also she felt unwell when he was staring at her when she looked after is wife. And she had never expected that someone can freak out the way Mr. Johnson did, when his wife died.


	2. Chapter 2

**2. chapter**

Everything began, when Anna Johnson was taken to the hospital with heavy pain in her stomach. Her husband harry Johnson came right after his wife. Denise had shift this morning and Mrs. Johnson was her patient.

She wrote something on her clipboard and watched at Mrs. And Mr. Johnson

„I will ran some tests and maybe i can tell you more by noon, till then you get painkillers."

Then she left the room and at the door she felt a hand on her left shoulder. There was Mr. Johnson standing behind her with a worried look on his face, even a bit angry.

„What´s going on with her? She has pain in her stomach and you say you can MAYBE tell us more by NOON. It´s 8 am. How long do you think we can wait?" he became more angry and loudly by talking to her.

She just thought the best thing is staying cool and talk to him in an adult way, so she just said „Calm down Mr. Johnson. The tests take some time, so they can be right. We need to know whats wrong with her before we can treat her. Trust me with that, she´s not my first patient with those symptoms."

Mr. Johnson just stood there staring at her and saying „If my wife is going to die and you didn´t help her, i will send you to HELL!"

Then he turned around and went back to his wife, taking her hand totally calm, without even look back at Denise, who just stood there shaking her head thinking this guy is just very hysterically.

But she was wrong, he wasn´t just hysterically.

At that moment she heard drew behind her with a worried voice saying: „What was that? He looked very seriously saying that."

Denise turned around to tell him grinning „ I think he´s crazy, but not as crazy as I can be, so don´t worry."

He just grinned and said „Yeah you are crazy, but i love that." He kissed her and walked away to the other med students, who went to the auditorium to be tortured by Dr. Cox.

Denise went to her next patient, when Lucy bumped into her running to lecture hall.

„Sorry I won´t be too late for Dr. Cox´s class, he would kill me, when I´m too late."

„So you wanna be killed by me, because you ran into my way and almost pushed me to the ground? I would really like to know why you are more scared of him as you are scared of me. I mean he hisself seems to be scared by me sometimes."

Lucy stood there in front of her with a scared expression in her face, when Denise abruptly yelled „RUN!" and laughed when Lucy ran away faster than ever.

The next 3 hours were like every other day at new sacred heart hospital, she looked for her patients and made some paperwork. Then she got the test results of Mrs Johnson.

When she looked at them she knew Mr Johnson wouldn´t be happy. Bowel cancer. This was the first time that Denise was a little afraid of telling a patient that he´s dieing, because Mr. Johnson was a little frightening. He really looked serious when he said he would send her to hell. But then she thought again he was just a little hysterically, so she could handle this like every other case before.


	3. Chapter 3

When she walked down the corridor she didn´t attend everything around her, she just walked straight to the room of Mrs Johnson thinking about the words she will use in some seconds to tell her and her husband that she is deadly ill and her chances are very very small. She knew this situation, but this time she had a bad feeling with it. She just didn´t know yet she was totally right with this bad feeling.

By not attending anything she ran straight into drew, who came from the learning group meeting, which was right after the class of Dr cox. With drew there were Lucy (still alive) and Cole, who walked away leaving her and drew alone there.

Drew just looked into her face and saw there was something going on with her, she was totally inattentive walking down the alleyway. And that wasn´t typical for Denise

„everything okay?" he asked knowing the answer is no, but she will say yes.

„yeah, well, i´m fine." she said, knowing drew knows it´s a lie.

„it doesn´t look like you´re okay."

„okay,maybe i´m not okay."

„you wanna talk about it"

„not really, you should know that."

„is it about Mr „i send you to hell"?" he knew the answer.

„yeah, but like i said, i don´t wanna talk about it."she said a bit angry „and now i have to go tell his wife she will probably die in maybe one or two month. Better you leave me alone."

she walked away leaving drew behind with a bad feeling. The same bad feeling he had the past 3 hours, after hearing this guy telling his girlfriend something like this in an even for drew scary and psychopathic way. And it was the same bad feeling Denise had.

He didn´t want to leave because he was worried about that guy and he knew Denise was worried too even if she would never admit it, so he stood there watching whats going on in Mrs Johnson room. He wanted to be there if this man freaked out, because with every single word from Denises mouth he looked more angry and more frightening.

When Denise was ready with talking, Mr Johnson and his wife just stared at each other, so Denise wanted to say something else, but Mr Johnson cut that off and said something that made Denise look very upset. After that Mrs Johnson said something to her husband, that looked for drew like she gave him a tongue-lashing.

Then Denise came out of the room and saw drew still standing where she left him. She gave him a „why do you think i can´t handle this"-look and walked away. Drew thought it would be better to leave her alone, when she wanted to talk she would come to him. And now she definitely didn´t wanna talk to him about it and he should better not make her angry. He just knew Johnson said something that really disappointed Denise, and he knew this look. It was the „my self-confidence breaks totally down"-look. He knew Denise was someone who was really critical about herself, there just have to be some words of someone and she doubted herself.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the day was calm for drew, he was just surprised he didn´t see Denise again that day, so he went in their room very quick after his last class. When he opened the door there wasn´t anybody, so he decided to go to the bar, where they are so often, to look if she is there. He laid his backpack on their bed and went outside. On his way to the bar he thought about other places she could be if she is not there. He didn´t know any other places. But he needed to talk to her, maybe he could help her.

When he walked inside the bar he looked around and just saw Dr cox and Dr tTurk sitting on a table drinking beer, so he decided to ask them if Denise is or was here tonight.

„haven´t seen her the entire day." was Turks answer and he went on „whats wrong? You don´t look happy, you had a fight with her? Does she wanna kill you?" he said laughing, when he noticed that drew was really worried about Denise „c´mon man, whats wrong?"

„i don´t know, she didn´t wanna talk to me this morning, when i noticed there was something wrong, since then i just saw her once and she said i should better leave her alone. I think she has one of her „doubting myself"-phases." drew said calmly.

without hearing what Turk answers he turned around and went out, leaving him and Dr cox there looking at each other.

Drew searched the whole campus for her and after one hour he didn´t know another place to look for her. It was dark and it was fucking cold, so he thought maybe now shes in their room. When he went to check the room he saw her. Sitting on a bench alone, staring at nothing. He decided to go to her even if she freaked out telling him she wanna be alone.

„hey" he said walking to the bench placing hisself next to her

„hey" he was glad she answered and didn´t just say „go away"

„drew i don´t wanna talk about it, okay?"

„okay, maybe we can just talk about something else?"

„maybe we can just go in our room and sleep."

„you could have already done this."

„but i didn´t want to."

drew knew he should say nothing now, so he just put his arm around her shoulder, waiting for her to throw it away, but she didn´t. Instead she laid her head on his shoulder, happy to have someone who could encourage her every time.


	5. Chapter 5

The next days Denise tried to explain Mr Johnson that his wife has no chances to get through this, but he didn´t wanna hear that.

„there must be a way to heal her, i thought you´re a doctor, why don´t you wanna help her?"

„your wife is deadly ill, the only thing we can do for her is making her last weeks or months as comfortable as possible. And like me every other doctor of this and every hospital would tell you that. it´s crap but you cannot change it" Denise said in a way she didn´t spoke with the husband of a patient for more than 2 years. When she began here it was normally for her to tell something to someone this way, but now it was not the way she does that anymore, but this guy made her crazy the last week. Everyday he said she just didn´t want to treat her or she´s a bad doctor, but not like the first day she just ignored it now. But she had the same old worried feeling about him.

even drew didn´t lost his bad feeling about him and saw what was going on there, so he called „Dr. Mahoney, i need your help wiht this patient" to bring her away from that guy before they freak out and kill each other.

„thanks, i was gonna kill him in a minute."

„i know." he said grinning.

These did not stay the only happenings with Mr Johnson. In the next weeks Denise often almost freaked out talking to him. Everyone at sacred heart knew that and so everyone there tried not to make Denise angry. This guy made her crazy, she just saw him and said her day´s over. But at all she tried to make fun of him just to feel better herself and it helped a little.

„damned why does everyday since Mrs Johnson is here has to be Halloween?"

or

„and they say i´m crazy. When i´m crazy, whats with him?"

or

„there he is, the paranoid coming straight from psychiatry How could he get out there."


	6. Chapter 6

after seven crappy weeks Mrs Johnson condition was so bad that Denise knew she wouldn´t survive the night. When she went to tell to Mr Johnson to say goodbye she knew he wouldn´t believe his wife is dieing, he didn´t except it the last seven weeks and he

won´t except it now. And she was right with this, but in this situation she had to stay objective and talk to him that way, which was not easy.

„listen my wife will not die or you will regret you became a doctor." he said slowly and clear.

„Mr Johnson i´m just doing my work and i did everything possible for your wife."

„ if you did everything possible she wouldn´t have to die. And if you don´t do something more for her so she gets health you will never be happy again."

„okay Mr Johnson, calm down your empty threats aren´t necessary Even a doctor can sometimes don´t do anything for a patient. And if you really wanna be such a douche you can stay here yelling something at me or you can go to your wife say goodbye, stay with her so she´s not alone and just let her go."

with these words she turned around and went away leaving a very pissed and angry Mr Johnson there looking after her mumbling words like „if you don´t wanna help her i´ll show you what i think of you." then he went to his wife, who was really faint.

Denise had the night shift today, so she was there when Mrs Johnson died, like she said before. Mr Johnson who was with his wife was really sad, but when Denise showed up he became very angry and aggressive

„you killed her! You killed my wife! Why couldn´t a real doctor treat her?" he cried, so everyone around heard it and everyone waited for Denise to freak out and yell back, but she did´t, she didn´t wanna make him more aggressive and also his wife died just some minutes ago.

She just said „i´m sorry for your loss." and turned around.

The other employees of the hospital just stood there watching the scene knowing Denise could´t do anything for Anna Johnson, but everyone saw the crazy look on her husbands face when he yelled at Denise Even Denise herself saw it and wanted to get away there in no time.

After that scene she met cox at the corridor, who had heard what was going on.

„is everything okay?" he asked seeing Denise was lost in thoughts.

„yeah, why?"

„he´s as frightening as you are. You know that."

„what can he do? Ambush me to shoot me down?" she laughed

„i hope he don´t run amok. I just need your ass right here to treat patients and not in a grave. Maybe life is easier without a psychopathic doctor on your side, but i have to admit that you're a good psychopathic doctor with murder eyes." he grinned back.


	7. Chapter 7

**7. chapter **

The rest of the night was really calm. Harry Johnson was still at the room of his wife holding her hand and didn´t wanna except her dead. In this situation this man looked really harmless, crieing, sitting there like a picture of misery. But appearances are deceptive.

Denise just wanted to avoid him, because he freaked out everytime he saw her. He made her responsible for the dead of his wife and he seems like he really loved his wife.

She just didn´t wanna get problems with him again, maybe he calmed down then.

Mr Johnson left the hospital at 2 am, a short time after him Denise left, because her shift was over and all her paperwork was done, even Mrs Johnson was at morgue in the meantime.

When Denise walked outside the door she just felt the summer breeze of a really warm night on her face. It was a clear night so she could see the stars in the sky walking over campus.

She almost forgot the crappy day she had, and the crappy last seven weeks with Mr Johnson yelling at her everyday. She was a little happy she wouldn´t have to see him again, but she was wrong. It wasn´t the last time.

When she went straight to the residential home, happy to go to bed finally, she heard a voice behind her.

„just left work? Going home right now?"

she turned around frightened by realizing this was Mr Johnson's voice and he sounded crazy and angry and sad.

She didn´t know what to do, because she didn´t know what he wanted from her so she just gave him a quick „yeah" to turn around again, but another time she felt his strong hand on her shoulder knowing she couldn´t go away.

„whats your problem? I am not responsible for the death of your wife, it was the cancer and i could not do anything to save her. I did everything to make it as comfortable as possible for her. So what do you want from me?"

„i don´t care what you say. I know you could have done more for her, maybe surgery or something like this, but you didn´t and so you are responsible and i will show you what my opinion is."

this was enough, she didn´t want more trouble with him, she tried to turn around and walk away again, but this time she didn´t feel his hand on her shoulder. She felt something else and that was not comfortable to her. She felt a stab and then a heavy pain in her back, so she began to tumble.

Now she felt his hands on both of her shoulders, turning her around, so she just saw his angry face looking into hers. He pressed her against a tree which was there at the side of the way.

„now you know which pain my wife felt when i brought her here."

he stabbed the knife he used just some seconds ago for her back into her stomach, causing more pain to Denise

„now you know how she felt some days later."

he stabbed her stomach about three times more, with this 20 cm knife he had taken from his kitchen.

„now you know how she agonized the last seven weeks."

then he let go of her and made a step back to see how she slumped down to the ground in her pain. He looked at her lieing there convulsed with pain, then he kicked into her stomach and beated her more often.

After he watched her some more moments he said laughing „and now you know how my wife felt today and in some minutes you will know how she feels now. I told you i send you to hell if my wife dies. Have fun, good luck."

then he walked away with is crazy thoughts about revenge, thinking Denise would be found when it was to late.


	8. Chapter 8

drew woke up at 2:32 am and noticed Denise still wasn´t there. Her shift ended an hour ago, but she often did paperwork after shift, so he thought it was normal. Or maybe she is still there, because of Mrs Johnson, Denise told him she was going to die that night.

But somehow he had a bad feeling tonight, so he decided to go over to the hospital to pick up Denise

He dressed up, took the keys and went outside feeling the same warm breeze Denise felt just 15 minutes ago.

He walked across the campus on his way to the hospital when he saw Mr Johnson. It was dark so drew didn´t see very much but he thought he saw blood on his hands. Mr Johnson was away as fast as drew saw him and he even seemed like he didn´t noticed drew, but the blood worried him. Maybe he just saw something totally different, it could have been something else, but drew began to run looking everywhere if he saw something in the area.

And there a hundred meters away he saw something or someone on the ground under Dr. Ddorians learning tree. He became faster running there with a bad feeling, which was approved right when he noticed there was blood everywhere and then he noticed who it was.

In this moment drew ran as fast as he could jumping on the ground next to Denise, turning her glazed body around so she laid on her back. He had seen the stab wound on her back and now he saw four of them on her stomach.

„Denise? Denise! Damned. Wake up! Can you hear me?"

he felt her pulse and looked if she was still breathing. When he realized her pulse was very low and her breath was light, he grabbed her to take her to the hospital. He ran as fast as he could with her on his arms. Everywhere was blood and she was still unconscious.

When he arrived at the door of the emergency room it opened and he went inside, seeing Dr cox and Dr Turk standing there talking with a nurse.

„hey, i need help, damned!" he yelled.


	9. Chapter 9

Cox and Turk turned around. seeing drew standing there with Denise on his arms they began to ran.

„what happened?" Turk asked

„i don´t know, i think she was stabbed, i just found her when i wanted to pick her up."

In no time Denise was in emergency operation. Turk was the surgeon who did it and cox and drew stood in front of the OR when two policemen arrived.

„you said she was stabbed. Did you see something unusual?" one of them asked drew, when the other one talked to cox about Denises injuries.

„yeah, there was something, when i saw it i knew something was wrong. There was the husband of one of her patients, she died tonight and this guy told her he would send her to hell if she dies. When i walked through the park to the hospital i saw him, i saw something dark, like blood, on his hands and clothes, but the next moment he was away. So i ran to look where he was coming from."

„why have you been outside there at this time."

„i wanted to pick her up, because she had to be there an hour before i got up and i was worried because of that guy, so i went outside."

„you wanted to pick her up? isn´t she your student adviser?"

„yeah, but also my girlfriend." he said looking to the OR with an afraid expression on his face.

„how many stab wounds does she have?"

„five, one on her back and four on her stomach." cox said.

„how deep are they?"

„about 15 til 20 cm i think."

„where there other wounds?"

„yeah it looked like she was beaten and kicked, there are some bruises on her body. And now it´s better you go, because when the surgery is over she will be still asleep for a while and i will send you the full report of her injuries later. I have to work."

when the detectives were away cox told drew to page him if something happens and went away straight to his office.

Drew sat there on the floor with his back leaned against the wall and his face looking to the room where Dr. Turk and his girlfriend were.

It was 5 am when Turk came out of OR looking at drew. Drew stood up and went to him seeing him nodding, so he felt a little slowdown.

„it didn´t look good at first but she fought and we could stabilize her condition. I think she will be okay in some time, but when she wakes up she will have heavy pain and she will need you there. You know what i mean?"

„yeah, where is she? Can i go to her? I wanna see her."

„wait some minutes, i will bring you to her then, we will get her to intensive care." he paused „you saved her life when you found her and brang her here."

„that was just luck." Drew said quiet.

„i´ll be back in some minutes."

when drew was alone again he thought about what cox said about paging him, so he took his pager and paged him. Just a few seconds later he arrived with a questioning look on his face.

„surgery is over, they bring her to intensive care, her condition is stabilized, Dr. Turk comes back in some minutes to bring me to her."

„did he tell you if he thinks she´ll go through this or not?"

„he said he´s optimistic about that."

„maybe you should change your clothes before you go to her." cox said pointing at the blood all over drews clothes.

Drew just realized the blood, it was equal to him before, so he didn´t notice, but cox was right about it.

„i´ll be right back." he said running to the locker room, because he knew he had another shirt and another pair of pants there.

When he ran into the room Lucy, who had just arrived there, looked at him really weird, because he was full of blood and didn´t even notice her.

„hey you didn´t have shift tonight? Whose blood is this?"

drew was surprised there was someone behind him so he turned around changing clothes and said „oh, hey didn´t see you."

„i noticed that."

„sorry i haven´t any time now." he said running away again.

When he arrived at the place where he left cox just one minute ago he saw Dr Turk

„hey, come with me." Turk said to drew and cox.


	10. Chapter 10

They went to intensive care and into one of the rooms. There he saw her, laying in the bed with cables and inner tube. When he saw her he just thought now he knows how this fucking Johnson guy felt hours ago, seeing his wife this way.

Cox watched her condition told drew to look after her and page him when she wakes up, then he went away. Turk just nodded and followed cox.

Drew sat down on the chair next to her bed and took her hand. He looked into her face thinking about what would be if he hadn´t found her about 2 and a half hour ago. This thought was terrible for him, in this moment he realized how much he really cares for her and how much he doesn´t wanna loose her.

He sat there about an hour when her hand seemed to move.

Denise woke up noticing someone hold her right hand, but she couldn´t open her eyes to look who it was. She layed in a bed, it was warm and comfortable, but she felt horrible pain in her stomach. Then she remembered being in the park with Johnson, who stabbed her, so she realized she was laying in a hospital bed. And now she knew the one who hold her hand was drew.

„Drew?" she whispered with all her energie, but it was very faint and low.

At this moment drew was glad she woke up and answered „hey don´t talk, you're not strong enough, keep your energie."

Denise was glad he was there, she felt much better when she heard his voice and the words he said.

„I´m here for you, the worst part lays behind you, but i don´t leave you alone, okay?"

She squeezed his hand a little, because she had no energy to talk, and he understood this.

„You have heavy pain?"

She squeezed his hand again.

„I´ll page cox."

After a minute cox came into the room, he gave a nurse the introduction to give Denise a higher dose of the painkillers and told her she should better go on sleeping for a while, when he left drew said „he´s right, just sleep, i´ll stay here, i love you."

Denise felt very sick and despite her pain she fell asleep after some minutes, knowing she´s not alone there. Drew still held her hand and with the other hand he petted her head.


End file.
